On Saturday, my wife and I celebrated 13 years together.
We started going out in highschool. Initially, one of her best friends had a crush on me but I preferred my wife… I don’t know why but they’ve lost sight of each other…
And ever since then we have been together. We have had 2 lovely daughters and we got married. I actually proposed when we were both 18.
It’s one of those things, I just knew without a doubt she was the one. Many people have trouble with this. I didn’t. Everything just clicked.
And if someone were to ask me the secret sauce to make it work, I’m not even sure I could answer. I don’t apply a recipe, but here are some thoughts…
When you expect less than what you get, you can only be happy. I guess I never expected much and when I found myself expecting too much, I always went back to expecting less.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a great wife, who has surprised me in so many ways over the years, but almost always when I didn’t expect it. When you expect something from the other person, she has no way to know because she’s not in your mind. So how can you get what you want fulfilled?
Something else that works is always looking at what you can bring to the table. Where are you meeting the other person’s expectation, and where are not being met? When you only think in those terms, the other person will naturally behave that way and the relationship improves.
And I guess there is one thing everyone expects in a realtionship, it’s attention. Everytime our relationship suffered (yes we have had some highs and lows), I wasn’t paying enough attention.
Finally, there is one crucial question to ask yourself often. This one forces you to be a better spouse. “If I had to start from scratch and seduce him/her again, what would I do?”
You see, it’s easy to be lazy about the way your body looks, about the way you dress, how often you cut your hair (all of your hair by the way), and God knows I have done that multiple times. When you ask that question, however, it puts you back on track.
Oh, and detach from any outcome for whatever “effort” you are making. Sometimes you get recognition, sometimes you don’t. It’s always worth doing something though…
Have a great day,
PS: And yes, sex is also important, but it comes naturally when you answer the question above honestly…